Gallows humor, realtor greet Bear's stunned staff

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By Kristina Cooke

NEW YORK, March 17 (Reuters) - Shocked Bear Stearns BSC.N employees trudged into work Monday morning desperately seeking clarity on their futures.

The fact that the first person they met on entering their headquarters in midtown Manhattan was a salesman hawking cheaper apartments did little to lift their mood -- an ironic twist, perhaps, given that it was risky speculation in the housing market that got the bank into trouble in the first place.

"I've been at Bear for 11 years and I want to vomit," said a Bear Stearns employee, who described himself as a partner, as he entered the striking seven-year-old octagonal building two blocks from Grand Central Terminal.

To add insult to injury, someone had taped a $2 bill to the revolving glass doors at the 46th and Vanderbilt Avenue entrance -- some gallows humor on the bargain-basement $2-a share price JPMorgan Chase (JPM.N: Quote, Profile, Research) paid for Bear Stearns.

"Where is the $2 bill?" joked one employee, "I might need that tomorrow!"

At the Madison Avenue entrance, Ray Schmitz, a Realtor with Coldwell Banker, was betting that with the value of their stock options in tatters, Bear's employees might soon be looking to trade their luxury homes for something a little easier on the budget.

"You have to go where the business is," Schmitz said as he handed out business cards. "A lot of these people are going to lose their jobs, and most of their wealth will have been in share options. They're soon going to be looking for a cheaper place to live."